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May 18 2018

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Chaotic Good brother.

May 12 2018




y’all know that john mulaney quote “the things crazy people say mean nothing to them but everything to me?”

every time i hear that quote, i think about how i got this light-up pen

i got this pen four years ago when i was working as a barista at starbucks. I was on the registers and taking the order of this woman, who ordered a nonfat latte, because she was “watching her weight”

so this guy behind her, whom no one was talking to, for some fucking reason says “wathing your weight? but what about the wait for your watch?“ (which is a completely unhinged response. like just complete Mad Hatter nonsense)

anyway this lady gets really uncomfortable and of the five people (me, him, her, the other checker, and the customer at the other register) who were now sucked into the uncomfortable silence, i decided that i should alleviate the tension by saying “you can’t wait for a watch; you don’t have the time”

and then he said “oh, quick girl!”, gave me that pen, got out of line, and left without ordering anything 

You pleased a mad fae trickster


i honestly dont know what i would do if healthcare was free here. i feel like i’d go to the hospital and they’d put me in the government funded sickness scanner and they’d be like “holy fuck dude, you got like, syndromes and shit. how are you even walking around right now” and i’d be like “i dunno, i didn’t wanna bother anybody about it” 

May 11 2018


remember when fyre fest happened like a year or so ago and there was this article where the attendees complained about how shitty it was but there was this one middle class dude who won a ticket through like a lottery or something and had the time of his life because rich people suffering is great. i hope y’all remember it is today’s mood

May 10 2018





I hope all of yall find $20 on the ground tomorrow.

And I mean that.

$50 maybe

a dropped money clip from some clumsy, unobservant capitalist shithead with in excess of $5000 in it

a thrown silver money clip with $50 in it and an empty aladdin wallet

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The Royal Pioneer - available for sale!


God, listening to John Mulaney talk about doing hard fucking drugs in his youth is like hearing a nun reminisce on her last orgy before she converted. What do you mean you didn’t come out of the womb with a fatherly demeanor and crippling anxiety?

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TomHolland1996: Just saw a couple threaten their crying child with divorce to shut him up. Call their bluff little man








Good morning tumblr, Who are we cancelling today??

Victoria Secret 

Read More:

I literally just signed up on the website and bras go higher than DDD and undies go up to 3XL so yeah guys it’s more inclusive than VS, the article is inaccurate

Hey everyone, I just wanted to say that for my capstone in my undergrad, our class ran an ad campaign for VS. So, of course, we got to talk to a ton of executives for the company. One of our goals for them was to figure out how to make VS appeal more to the younger generation. The girls in my class (which was about 98% of my class) immediately jumped on the “body inclusivity” train. Why not start hiring plus-size models to be angels? Why not start including bigger sizes?

The executives immediately took it off the table. Their words were “We are interested in selling the fantasy of the supermodel” in layman’s terms that equates to “no fat chicks” and we spent the rest of the meeting with the ladies in my class (myself, included) questioning the executives and essentially jumping down their throats.

Victoria’s Secret is not interested in body inclusivity. They don’t care about appealing to a wider audience, despite their failing sales. They’re seriously a bunch of older, out of touch people who don’t understand that times are changing and they will very soon get left behind. We gave them facts, statistics, and survey results that we collected that PROVED that people aren’t interested in VS anymore and that’s exactly why. But they don’t care about that. They don’t care about improving their own image. They just don’t care about their own consumer base.

I hope somebody besides me reads this. Because I want more people to know what narrow minded scumbags the executives at Victoria’s Secret are.






tag game: what would your name be if your parents had named you like edward and bella named renesmee (renée + esme) 

i thought id have a good laugh doing this and then i remembered both my grandma’s names are mary ann

I’d be either Brevelyn or Evenda?



okay but also can we talk about the episode where natasha was a vampire

and she 

ran into a mirror

because she couldn’t see her own reflection and just

knocked herself out

This is the best piece of vampire fiction I have ever laid eyes on

May 08 2018

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shakespeare was ahead of his time

reblog if baby don’t hurt me just played in your head in perfect tonality




Can someone just………………. explain French to me?

its spanish but you speak it in cursive

You have 11 letters. You pronounce 4 of them.

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My Brother’s Husband tells the story of Yaichi, a single father raising his daughter, and Mike Flanagan, a Canadian man who was married to Yaichi’s twin brother Ryoji. Mike travels unannounced to Japan after his husband’s recent passing. Yaichi must face his deceased twin’s sexuality and overcome his own preconceptions, and Mike learns what caused the brothers to drift apart.

The manga by Gengoroh Tagame will debut as a TV drama on NHK’s BS Premium in March 2018 and will star Ryuta Sato as Yaichi and former sumo wrestler Baruto Kaito as Mike.

Read more here: and Wikipedia.

Reblogging with the (subtitled) trailer. The drama is now available (in Japanese) on YouTube.

@loki727 @spydecai

This brought a tear to my eye in 1 minute 54 seconds


help, my wife got wine drunk and tried to set our marriage certificate on fire, saying “good luck trying to return me without the receipt”


air signs and earth signs after having pushed away the people they actually liked and trusted



down the road the met gala WILL be chimera ant arc themed

This sounds like a threat. 




Four rich fathers go golfing.

One of them stays behind to pay the bill and the other three proceed to the first hole. While golfing, the three fathers start bragging about their sons.

The first father says, “I am very proud of my son Arthur; he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel and now he is at the top!  He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.”

The second fathers says, “My son Ivan is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He went to flight school to become a pilot and managed to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.”

The third father says, “Well, well, well - congratulations! My son, Ludwig, is also my pride and joy and is also very rich. He became an engineer. He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He built a mansion especially for his best friend.”

Then the fourth father catches up and they ask him how his son is doing.

The fourth father replies, “Oh, my son Alfred is gay and he makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.”

The three friends shake their heads and say, “What a shame, you must be so unhappy! How tragic.”

The fourth father replies with a bright smile, “Oh no, I am not ashamed at all! Alfred is my son and I love him just as well; he’s my pride and joy. And he is much loved by his friends too. Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a Mercedes Benz, a brand new jet and a huge mansion from his three suitors?”

Reblog to support proud father and his sugar baby gay son.


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…holy shit

None of the characters ever figure this out because they stop taking math at age 11

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